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Parenting the homeless: A mom’s message to city council

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Sandy Mason

City councillors mustn’t forget that encampment residents in Rainbow Park are our sons and daughters, says the mother of a woman who has lived on the streets of Sarnia for at least seven years.

“I want our politicians to treat them with some dignity and understand the implications of what they do and say,” says Sandy Mason, mother of a 35-year-old woman who has mental health and addiction problems.

City council is trying to find a solution to a growing number of tents set up in the south end park by about 50 homeless people who have no access to washrooms or running water. The park has been the site of a stabbing as well as a fatal overdose this spring, prompting calls from some local politicians to evict the campers.   

Mason said she sympathizes with Rainbow Park neighbours who want the campers removed. She said she believes there are much better solutions to the tent city that started in February. But “just kicking them out” without another option isn’t the answer, she said.

“Many people assume those people are there by choice, that some of them could be working, or that they are capable of rehab, but that’s not generally the case.

“Imagine if you were one of them, or one of them was your child. They are being dehumanized,” said Mason. “They have no choices. They have nowhere to go.”

She has dealt for many years with the heartbreak of losing her daughter to the street. She lives with a sense that every phone call she gets from her, could be the last one.

Her daughter – who Mason prefers not to name – had a normal childhood growing up in Forest, says her mom.

“She was smart, very dynamic. We had no concerns about her mental health,” said Mason. “I was a strict parent and when I let her go to a party when she was 14, I made sure I talked to the other parents first and that someone would be there to supervise.”

But her daughter was sexually assaulted at that party. Mason didn’t find out the truth for two years although she noticed a gradual change in her daughter’s behaviour.

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Sandy Mason. Glenn Ogilvie photo

“She withdrew and got quiet. Then she started stealing and lying. Then she started to dress provocatively. It was so unlike her.”

At age 16, Mason’s daughter left home to live in an apartment in Sarnia. By that time, she had a boyfriend who turned out to be a drug dealer, Mason said.

“I remember a social worker told me it was lucky it was just cocaine she used because it could be so much worse.”

It got a lot worse.

Mason’s daughter was evicted from her apartment. She could be violent sometimes. She would steal, break things and get physical. 

That initial eviction was the beginning of a never-ending cycle of displacement and poverty. For years, Mason has kept a journal to try to track her daughter’s location and her desperate attempts to find help.

She has lived temporarily on someone’s couch but is often asked to leave because of dangerous behaviour. She has found shelter at River City Vineyard and the Shepherd’s Lodge.  She’s slept in drug houses; in a succession of motels provided by social services. And she’s spent many months living rough, wandering Sarnia’s streets, sleeping under benches, sometimes in Rainbow Park.

Several years ago, she was arrested for walking naked in the park, said Mason.

There have been many attempts to get her daughter into detox and rehab. None of them have worked. She’s also spent extended periods of time at Bluewater Health to try to address her mental health. She has lived a few months at a time with Mason and her father. There’s been a couple of stints at group homes but she just wanders away, according to her mom.

“There’s no security and my daughter is so out of touch, she needs a secure place to live.

“I feel like I am my daughter’s voice,” said Mason. “She is so far gone, she can’t finish her sentences anymore. Her brain just isn’t the same.”

For some years now, Mason’s daughter has been addicted to crystal meth. She was officially diagnosed with dementia in 2020.

Prior to that, she gave birth to two children and had one abortion. Mason said the abortion was so traumatic that it could have been responsible for a seven-month period when her daughter fell into a catatonic state and didn’t speak.

Mason is raising one of the children who is nine years old now and the light of her life.

“I can’t imagine life without her,” she said, tearing up. “But I didn’t see myself doing this at this stage of my life.”

Her daughter does have lucid days and calls Mason about once a month. The most recent was the day after Mother’s Day.

“Bless her heart, she called from the Good Shepherd (shelter). They are really good people there. She didn’t say a lot but she was aware of the stabbing in Rainbow Park. I know she goes down there.”

Mason said her daughter has been assessed for long term care but an appropriate placement hasn’t happened.

“They say she’s too young and her needs are too high,” she said. “The shelters aren’t equipped to deal with her needs either. There’s not enough staff trained for all this behaviour. When she starts hollering, she can be violent.”

Mason doesn’t hold out hope anymore that her daughter can be rehabilitated.

“We’ve lost her,” she said. “Her brain is damaged. She’s been exploited on the street too many times. I don’t think she’ll recover.”

It’s been a year since Mason saw her daughter. But she looks forward to the monthly calls and gets concerned if she doesn’t get one.

“I still love her deeply,” she said. “It’s been a process to still do that, and live my life.”

She admitted that it’s “scary” to speak out because she is a professional and she worries that people’s judgement could impact her career.

“But it’s my hope that council considers the complexities of all of this. There are a lot of women out there who need our compassion and our help and they need to be given secure shelter outside the (urban area) where predators and drug dealers don’t have access to them.”  

 

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